


just friends my ass

by booabug (allthisink)



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Be! Agrestive! B! E! Agrestive!, Comedy, F/M, Jealous/Protective Adrien is my guilty pleasure, Ladybug savagery, Marinette brings Du-PAIN, Now featuring jealous/protective Marinette as well, jealousy's not good irl my friends beware but it is pretty funny coming from our cinnamon rolls, someone tagged this #strangerdanger and I think that's beautiful
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-30
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2018-07-11 06:05:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7032280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allthisink/pseuds/booabug
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When an unknown boy sits next to Marinette and refuses to leave her alone, Adrien doesn't take it very well. Short fic inspired by <a href="http://gittana.tumblr.com/post/145085367125/when-a-unknown-boy-sits-next-to-marinette">a popular text (chat) post on Tumblr.</a></p><p>Originally a One Shot, now a fic with short chapters about jealousy/overprotectiveness hitting both sides of every love square corner. Of course, the oblivious dorks aren't even together or revealed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. just friends, my ass

****"Marinette, right?" The strange boy said in what he must have thought was a smooth voice. He slid into where Alya usually would be, usually would have told him off from, but she had caught that bug going around. "I've noticed you around school and heard you're not taken, so... I thought we'd get to each other better."

Smug. Adrien watched from the corner of his eye. He had an arm around the back of the bench. So smug.

"That's very, uh, flattering of you- but really, I'm not interested."

"Oh come on, princess," he drawled. Princess? Did he just call her _Princess?_  In that tone? Like she was being stuck up? "Don't be like that."

The way the boy shifted in his peripheral vision said he had moved closer. He heard Marinette slide away. Adrien inhaled deeply. When he let his breath out, he felt something of a growl in his throat. Personal space. Didn't he understand that?

"Look, you're making me uncomfortable. I have to get ready for next class, could you please leave me alone?"

She could be a spitfire at times, just one thing Adrien liked about her, but usually too sweet for her own good. Like now. She really should be verbally dismembering this guy, he knew she could.

"I don't bite," he said, smile in his voice.

Adrien's pencil snapped in his hand. He stood and whirled around, slamming his hands on the desk.

_**"I do."** _

That was unmistakably a growl. Using his height to his advantage, he stared down the strange boy. They squeaked and wilted under his gaze. Adrien didn't stop staring him down as he slid off the bench, not until he was out the door.

"A- uh- Adrien?" Marinette sputtered. Oh. Great. She was already nervous around him, she didn't need to see him being so Agresti- not the time- aggressive.

He cleared his throat, suddenly registering her look of shock, and those of the rest of the class. "Oh, I, it's just that I can't stand disrespectful guys. Sorry about that."

"No, ah- that, wow, that was really ho- ahh- haaardly inapro-propiate. You are _fine-_ I mean, that! Was _fine._ Really," Marinette stuttered, red in the face. Then, with a breath, "Thank you."

Adrien gulped as he smiled at her. "You're welcome." He sat back down in his seat with all the composure he could muster, hoping that would get his classmates to stop looking. It sure didn't work on Nino, whose headphones were now down around his neck. He gave a toothy grin Adrien responded to with a _'What?'_ look. His best friend just shrugged and casually took out his phone. Adrien's own buzzed shortly after.

N- dude wtf was that?? just friends, my ass  
A- What? I can stand up for my friends, right? Alya wasn't here to do it.  
N- lmao like you lose it that bad when ppl give me a hard time ok dude w/e  
A- Shut up.  
N- uh huh  
A- Stop.  
N- ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Adrien put his phone away, grumbling, and ignored both Nino and the way his face was burning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also [crossposted on my Tumblr.](http://booabug.tumblr.com/post/145121149978/when-a-unknown-boy-sits-next-to-marinette)
> 
> This was meant to be a one-shot but I'm not opposed to making it a series! Only, I can't think up any further scenarios. If you can think of one, please drop me a comment and with your help, we'll make it happen, my dudes. I absolutely do not mind if it's outlandish, absurd, or crack-ficish.


	2. just hangry, my ass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻  
> (°ロ°)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to FandomsAndBandMemes for the premise of this chapter.

Some people get

 **hangry**  
adjective  
1\. to be angry as a result of being hungry:  
_having skipped lunch, he was hangry, and so had a short temper._  
  
Marinette got what Alya called **hunfurious**. Which is why she ran across the street to Tom  & Sabine Bakery for some much needed food, saying, "Don't terrorize anyone while I'm away, Attila."  
  
And she was doing pretty well for herself in the not instilling fear department, if she did say so herself.  
  
Manning a table at the public fund-raising craft fair taking place in the school courtyard tried her patience even when well fed. It was tedious, the sun beat down on her, and she was only doing this because she needed to make up for all her absences and tardiness (and couldn't be seen away from her station, hence Alya making the food run.) Worst of all, Adrien had to do the same thing. While Marinette would usually be all for an opportunity to lowkey sigh over him at his table nearly across from hers, it was a public event. Meaning she was far from the only one there who had some sort of crush on him, but in sparse company when it came to being subtle about it.  
  
He had initially starstruck many upon his arrival at the school, but the novelty wore off for some, his friendly, down to earth manners cooled others, and the rest were just plain scared off by Chloé. The public was another story. Moreover, the Gorilla, his bodyguard, had been limited to standing inside the entrance way.  
  
Sadly, Marinette was not spending the mostly idle hours at her table admiring Adrien so much as she was watching fangirls (and boys) pester him while _not taking the hint_ that he wanted to be left well enough alone. She could relate to the attraction (obviously), but she wouldn't push her presence on him when he didn't want it... Or she wouldn't if she were capable of being in his presence at all. In any case, these people had no such reservations.  
  
"Sign this for me? I'd really like to talk about this shoot if you have the time, too."  
  
"Oh, I'm here as a vendor, I can't give autographs or get distracted too long, sorry. Are you interested in any of this?"  
  
Why could they not just pick up what he was dropping.  
  
"I've heard you're quite the gamer. Could I have your account name so I can add you? We could, I don't know, chat some time or... play together."  
  
This was the verbal nerd equivalent of when Lila was walking her fingers up his chest. This rando _trash._  
  
Adrien chuckled nervously. "Ah, I don't like giving it away, except to people I'm already friends with. I'm not online much anyway. So did you want to buy anything?"  
  
At least the display table acted as a buffer between him and the fans. In the briefest of moments when no one else was looking, after someone who had been unabashedly staring at him like a piece of meat finally left, he sighed, looking completely miserable. Which is when another girl ran up to his table with a poster.  
  
Marinette was not even conscious she was white knuckling her table top. Her hands shook but, while the table may not have been the Principal's desk, it was still heavy and didn't move or rattle.  
  
She radiated hunfuriousness. Sheer animal instinct of self preservation made browsers walk around her subconsciously. Sometimes consciously, with nervous glances. There was a small radius around her table where none dared step foot.  
  
Meanwhile, a veritable mob of pushy fans formed around Adrien's table as the busy hours arrived.  
  
Then Chloé arrived with her usual clinginess and a familiar screech of, "Adrikins!" His table could not help him, not from her. The poor guy didn't even have it in himself to grimace like usual. He had the look of one so exhausted his soul had fled his body. He was swamped with fans as Chloé pulled him out from behind his table, insisting he take a break with her.  
  
Barely audible over the ruckus, Adrien pleaded, "Please, I'd just like to left alone."  
  
The crowd didn't get the memo.  
  
Marinette raised her voice, "Hey! He said leave him alone!"  
  
A few of the outliers had the decency to listen and shy away. Mostly, the poor boy was still swamped and this time he didn't care that eyes were on him. He made that expression of pure misery.  
  
_**"HE SAID,"**_ Marinette roared, _**"LEAVE HIM ALONE."**_  
  
She still hadn't realized her death grip on her heavy table and it fell over with a bang as she stood abruptly.  
  
Everyone in the courtyard was stunned into silence as the sound echoed off the walls. All but a handful of the fans as well as Chloé scattered. The edge of the table having bounced back onto her foot, Marinette kicked up to get it off, sending it airborne surprisingly high, and it landed with another crash— incidentally, closer towards Adrien and the others.  
  
Even Chloé scurried off.  
  
Adrien stared at her, red faced and wide eyed. He breathed, "Thanks."  
  
Marinette felt mortified. "I-I, uh- you just- noproblemjustthoughtyoucouldusesomehelp."  
  
Right after coughing into her fist, she heard Alya sigh beside her and turned to see her holding up a croissant from a large paper bakery bag. "Girl, what did I say about terrorizing?"  
  
"Sorry..."  
  
Marinette saw the Gorilla give her a subtle thumbs up and what might have been a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SyoshoHiataki wanted to see the Gorilla's surreptitious thumbs up drawn so I gave it a shot. I may not know how hands work, but I know the Gorilla likes when people flip tables.  
> 


	3. just passing by, my ass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little marichat this time, inspiring Marinette with a hypothesis about the correlation between how many puns Chat Noir makes and how angry he is.

This was the last thing Marinette needed after detransforming.  
  
The akuma fight had been pretty easy, all things considered. She did have to use Lucky Charm, but Chat Noir hadn't even needed Cataclysm. Thing was, the attack had interrupted her helping at the bakery. Now she would have to come home to two very worried parents, who would have undoubtedly turned the house upside-down looking for her, then realized she was outside during an akuma attack. She would have to think up some excuse to give them while rushing back to minimize the time she was spending mysteriously vanished.  
  
Lost in her thoughts, she bumped into some guy who grabbed her by the arms with a, "Whoa there, little lady."  
  
"Sorry!" Marinette said quickly, making to move past who seemed to be a teen her age. He didn't let go. "I'm sort of in a hurry though, gotta go."  
  
God help him, she did _not_ have the patience for this right now. She managed to free one arm but he kept his grip on the other, following close by her side. The stranger was one patronizing comment away from being flipped onto concrete and getting the wind— or some teeth— knocked out of him.  
  
"Hold on now, I just want a moment. The name's Armand," he said with a roll of the r that made her scrunch up her nose. The way he leaned in to say it in her ear made her shiver with disgust. He must have noticed and taken it the wrong way, because he didn't lean back away. "I recognize you from Tom  & Sabine Bakery and Pastries-"  
  
"Yes, and that's where I have to be an hour ago, so if you excuse me-"  
  
"If you've been away that long, giving me a little bit of your time couldn't hurt, could it?"  
  
Marinette was about to introduce his face to the pavement when a metal staff rushed past. She heard the rush of air past her ear, like when a bee flew by. That had been unnerving enough for her, but she had the benefit of slight distance whereas the metal was noticeably closer to Armand. A look confirmed that it had _just_ missed his ear, maybe brushed it.  
  
The staff went vertical as it was used as a fulcrum, giving it's user enough air time to execute a flip and couple of rolls before landing on all fours. They straightened up with a lopsided grin that would look cavalier to anyone else, but showed some tension to her.  
  
"Good day, fair Parisians! Chat Noir, just in the area after the attack," he waved a hand to where the battle had taken place. "Of course, I always keep an ear and eye out for, oh I don't know...  
  
"People who've had a little too much to drink, maybe pickpocketing, _harassment,"_ he growled out the last word. He leaned on his staff, now retracted enough for him to do so comfortably, and narrowed his eyes at Armand, pupils going into slits.  
  
Armand scoffed even as Marinette finally forced her other arm out of his hand. "I don't see how this is any of your business, 'hero.'"  
  
"Like you said, I'm a hero. I have to be _here-o_ for anyone who might need me," Chat winked, though his tail lashed behind him.  
  
"Well, we don't need you around here. You can just pack up and go, alley cat."  
  
Wait a damn minute, only she got to call him alley cat.  
  
"Oh, really? It seemed to me you were close to being _knead_ right in the _pack-age._ Why don't we ask the mademoiselle, what matters is how she feels, after all," his eyes softened as he raised a brow at Marinette.  
  
She had to admit, it was a little hilarious having her partner backing her up with such determination without even knowing it. "You're right, I was trying to get back to my parents' bakery and pastry shop but this guy wouldn't let me go."  
  
"Really?" Chat's tail was rapidly swinging in practically a horizontal line now. "I know she's quite the _cutie pie,_ very _loaf-ly_ indeed, but it seemed _e-clear_ to me that she was pretty _cross-ant_ with you."  
  
Marinette had to bite the inside of her lip to keep from laughing. Was his punning intensifying as he lost his temper? Really?  
  
Armand, however, seemed anything but amused and sighed, shrugging as he backed away. "Fine, whatever, she's not worth this whole song and dance anyway."  
  
She caught the growl from her partner even from the distance before he said, " _Beat_ it before I take _steps_ to make you _tap_ out, _partner."_  
  
Armand walked away briskly, barely hiding that he would break into a run at slightest provocation. Marinette finally burst into laughter. That snapped Chat Noir out of his mood and he chuckled a bit before coughing into a fist. "Sorry you had to see me that way, not the most heroic behaviour. My Lady would give me a scalding scolding if she knew, but that guy was just a real jerk. Saying you're not worth it..."  
  
"It's alright, Chat," she smiled at him. "At least you didn't _tango_ with him."  
  
That got a big, genuine Chat Noir grin out of him. "My Princess is rather _punny_ herself! You said you were in a rush? I've been told where your place is a couple of times now, I can get you there if you'd like."  
  
Running the rooftops was far less comforting in civilian form, but Marinette really was far away and she did want to get back quickly.

That had been rather sweet of him. Chat deserved a little ego boost. She put the back of her hand to her forehead and leaned back a little as she said, "You'd do that for me? That would be fantastic!"  
  
After a much faster trip than walking (or running) and taking the metro would have been, they said their goodbyes on her terrace. He left with a cheeky salute and an admittedly impressive amount of gymnastics he called out as he jumped onto the next roof. Giggling at his showmanship, she still couldn't help but feel a little warm in the cheeks remembering how tightly Chat had held onto her on the way, and how his tail wound around her waist. Probably just from the wind hitting them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adrien just wanted to defend and impress a friend and classmate. Honest!
> 
> What was that? Well, you know, he just had to make sure she didn't slip out of his grip when he was running and jumping around town and all.


	4. just showing support, my ass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette repays Chat Noir's favour when he's caught up in a crowd of fans as his miraculous runs out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Crossposted on Tumblr](http://booabug.tumblr.com/post/146297264893/just-friends-my-ass-ch4) ~~for once~~.

This was the last thing Chat Noir needed while his ring was beeping away. Ladybug was long gone, having used her Lucky Charm far sooner in the fight, so she couldn't help.  
  
He didn't even know he had a fanclub. Yet here they were. What they lacked in numbers compared to Ladybug fans, they more than made up for in _extreme_ enthusiasm. If they cared at all about letting him get away before his miraculous let out, they were too caught up in hounding him. Even he could hardly hear the beeps over their screaming and yelling. They were like a hydra. Push one fan off and two more clung onto him in their wake. He couldn't very well vault away with any on him (they could fall) and he really didn't want to mow them down so he could escape.  
  
Frankly, he didn't have the energy either.

Not because of the akuma fight, though that hadn't helped. It was that Chloé had made snide remarks about him being a useless sidekick, which was fine— okay, not fine, it had stung— and while Nino, Alya, Marinette, and some others rose to his defense, most of the class didn't seem to think much of him. Some outright mocked him. Try as he might, he couldn't help but let disparaging words overpower the support he had gotten. They turned in his mind over and over.  
  
His salvation came, surprisingly enough, in Marinette. Not that she wasn't dependable, but what in the world was she doing here? She strode towards him so intensely, the fanclub parted before her like the Red Sea. He just saw the enraged expression that must have done it before it happened.

She smacked him in the face.  
  
Like, super hard. Hard enough to produce a slapping sound so loud, it echoed. His head snapped to the side and if he weren't in suit, it would have _really_ hurt.  
  
The fans previously clinging onto him jumped away. Chat turned back towards her, wide eyed, as she bristled and spat out, "Chat Noir, you _cad!"_  
  
Cad? He was sort of scared ~~and sort of weirdly attracted to her right now~~ but mostly really confused ~~especially about that last thing.~~  
  
She wrapped her arms around his neck and hung back, letting him bear her full weight. "And here you said I was the only one for you!"  
  
Wait, when had he said that? He didn't say that. Did he say that?  
  
"I don't even want to see you right now!" She let go, putting the back of her hand on her forehead and leaning back in a half-swoon, much like when he delivered her from that creep. Her pained, scandalized expression dropping for a moment, she looked at him pointedly and said, "Just leave! Get out of here!"  
  
Chat bit the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing or grinning. He had suspected Marinette played up how much he impressed her for his benefit, but he was sure of it now. Somehow, that only made it more endearing. He _should_ take the opportunity she was creating to get out right then and there, but he couldn't resist.  
  
He affected an expression of heartbroken worry and held her as if she really would swoon and he needed to be ready to hold her up. "Oh, but Ma-" wait, he couldn't out her by name to these crazies- " _ma belle,_ you _are_ my one and only! The only star in my dark sky! The sun whose radiance I can only hope to reflect!"  
  
Her eyes widened and she mouthed emphatically, 'WHAT ARE YOU DOING?'  
  
"Forgive these fair but misguided admirers, _ma chérie,_ they must not have known. For our love must be kept secret!" He pulled her upright into a hug and spun the two of them around. "Alas, now? Now! How can we continue our romance of midnight trysts on moonlit balconies? Of my stealing into your chambers for private, impassioned nights?"  
  
"Yes," she ground out through gritted teeth. Her anger and annoyance was definitely real this time, and once again Chat had to keep his expression trained. "It is no longer safe for me. It is over. And so. I don't want to see you again. Now _seriously,_ get out of here before my patience runs out- _among other things,"_ she glanced at his ring.

He gasped loudly. "Bid me away from your divine presence? No, anything but that! Ask anything of me, but not that!"

She pushed out of their embrace, grabbed his shoulders, spun him around, and kicked him square in the ass to send him stumbling away from her and the crowd. "Leave!"  
  
Safely turned away from observers, Chat Noir let himself chuckle silently, hoping everyone else would take the shaking of his shoulders as distressed sobs. Vaulting away to safely detransform, he channeled his pent up laughter into the anguished wail of a lover spurned.  
  
Thankfully, it did seem Marinette remained anonymous. When Adrien checked The Ladyblog that night, there was nothing identifying in either the article or comments under **Chat Has Lover's Spat? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)**  
  
He and Plagg were laughing so hard, Nathalie checked if he was okay.  


* * *

  
It only hit him when he was in the school courtyard, chatting with Nino before class the next morning, that he might have seriously upset Marinette. He hoped she didn't think less of Chat Noir for getting carried away with his cheeky antics the day before; she had just been trying to help.  
  
"Oh, daaaaang, I should've known Mari would bring the fire over that argument!" Nino grinned, raising the bill of his cap. He looked over Adrien's shoulder towards the school entrance.  
  
"Wha-" Adrien's question cut off into a strangled noise as he caught sight of Marinette.  
  
Instead of her usual capris, she was wearing black knee high socks ending in cat ears with whiskers, eyes, and nose cut out to show skin underneath, and a short neon green skirt with a small trail of black pawprints. She showed off toned legs, both covered and bare. Her black hoodie was zipped up nearly all the way, but her top underneath seemed to be the same shade of green, and the hood was pulled over her head to prominently display cat ears.  
  
He wheezed.  
  
"Nino," he said, voice coming out high and tight. "Am I still standing?"  
  
"Yeah bro, why?"  
  
"Good. Keep me that way." Adrien partially swooned before Nino caught him and it was definitely not an act. He felt as much as heard his best friend chuckle. "... You're making that stupid face, aren't you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutouts to ultraflamer500 for that last exchange between Adrien and Nino.
> 
> I couldn't help but poke some fun at fanon Marichat. I usually can't laugh at my own writing (though, of course, I find it amusing why would I put it out there as comedy otherwise) but I cannot stop giggling imagining the scene with over-dramatic Chat coz u kno he would


	5. just showering, my ass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this is a bit of a departure from the format of the other chapters, and I'm sorry about it because ladrien is such a fluffy corner, but... the joke here just naturally happened while writing and I could not resist.

It was bound to happen, after the whole Jackady thing. Two of Paris’ hottest young celebrities locked in a house. Oh, and there were other people, an akuma, and people under that akuma’s thrall. Anyway! Ladybug and Adrien Agreste were together, ooh la la~

He had heard that Ladybug was providing police backup for something, rushed over to see if she needed help, and next he knew he was jostled right next to her. _Very close next to her._ They were practically _touching shoulders._ Was he sweating? He was definitely sweating. Oh God, she was right beside him and he was sure he didn’t feel too hot because of the lights and crowd, he was definitely blushing. His soul may be parting from his body. Ladybug, it seemed, wasn’t faring much better.

She always was shy in front of the camera _(so cute)_ , but now she was a full on fidgeting mess. Adrien was used to, trained even, on how to respond to media scrums. She probably wasn’t, and her earrings still had 5 dots now, but he didn’t know if she had used Lucky Charm. Oh, boy.

Someone bumped him, and Adrien actually _touched shoulders with Ladybug_. He ~~squealed~~ screamed in a very dignified fashion internally.

“Ladybug! Exactly what went on that day? Were you, at any point, alone with Monsieur Agreste?”

“No! Well, yes. For a short amount of time. Most of the time, he was in the shower? Oh, I probably shouldn’t have said that, sort of personal information,” Ladybug laughed nervously, looking at Adrien apologetically.

Adrien laughed too, in a casual way. Hopefully. “What can I say? It’s the model in me. Ladybug was very professional the whole time. She did an amazing job protecting me and my father. Paris is really lucky to have her.”

He gave her a smile, one that undoubtedly conveyed his unfiltered adoration, in front of all these cameras no less, but he couldn’t care. All he could focus on was the bashful smile she gave him back, saying softly, “Oh, no, it’s nothing. I’m happy to do it.”

He just barely kept kept his sigh from escaping his lips as his heart pounded for wonderful the girl in front of him.

The clamor of the media finally grew loud enough to break him out of his trance as a reporter pressed, “So nothing happened that day, but now that you’re acquainted, would you both be open to any development between you two in future?”

“Oh, I'd love to, uh! Love to give an answer, but, well that would be complicated? I, I can’t speak for Adri- I mean, Monsieur Agreste-”

“Are you on a first name basis with him?”

Damn, they were sharp. Adrien was about to interject when another reporter butted in with a decidedly mischievous tone in their voice. “Monsieur Agreste! Speaking of your lengthy shower, how do you respond to reports that Chat Noir was seen coming out of the very bathroom you showered in?”

“What.”

“What.”

He and Ladybug answered at the same time, then looked at each other in alarm.

“I-” Adrien was definitely not trained on how to respond to suggestions that he was showering with his alter ego. “I’m not sure where these rumours come from, but I can verify that I was definitely alone in the shower.”

The reason, of course, being that he was Chat Noir. No lie. No problem. The only empirical evidence could be the mansion CCTV, and Father was definitely not letting any footage of the sort come out and damage his image. Heh, come out. _No, Adrien._ _N_ _ot right now._

“Right, there’s no way that would happen,” Ladybug said emphatically. “Even if they were in the washroom together, it was probably some weird, funny accident. Chat is a total dork. He would totally have just gotten himself into some ridiculous situation.”

“Chat, a dork? I happen to think he’s really suave, charming, and super cool?” What was he doing. Why was he doing it. From their looks, Ladybug and the press were thinking the same thing. “I mean, not that I’m into him or anything, but I don’t see why anyone else wouldn’t be.”

Why.

“I mean, have you seen him?” He continued.

_Why!_

Ladybug gaped. It occurred to Adrien that he was cockblocking himself. Which self, he wasn’t sure, but he was definitely cockblocking himself.

“Not that I- I just think, you know, anyone should be happy to get Chat’s attention, you know?” He can fix this, just wingman himself. Wait. Wait, no! That was not a good thing to do right now.

“I, um, well I have to agree,” Ladybug said slowly. Yes! … Yes? “I think both Monsieur Agreste and Chat Noir deserve to be happy. With- with whoever they choose.”

Oh, no. She sounded so sad. Oh, _no_. She sounded like she thought he was, well, with himself? Which he was, in a way, just not, oh God, this was a mess. Damage control. Damage control!

“Ladybug, your earring!” All the spots were still visible, but they needed an out. “I think you should get going.”

“Huh? Right. Right! Uh, have to go! Bye!” Ladybug swung away faster than he had ever seen her.

“Metoobye,” Adrien said before running away faster than he ever had before.

 

* * *

 

Plagg was _still_ laughing hysterically. He had been for the better part of an hour. Sighing, Adrien turned off his PC monitors, which had been displaying his news aggregate for Ladybug and Chat Noir related news and blogs. Alya’s Ladyblog seemed to be the only one with enough class to not mention it. Though that may be because, apparently, she was having a meltdown. Something about both of her ships sinking, Nino had said.

“Plagg, cut it out,” Adrien groaned.

“Did you see how many people already shipped you with Chat Noir? That’s amazing!”

He had. They had vivid imaginations. And, in his opinion, the use of ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) coupled with those comments was far overdone.


	6. just assault, my ass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An extra long and aggressive chapter to make up for the lack of ladrien protectiveness last chapter. Ladybug and Adrien meet up to clear misconceptions about AdriNoir (the ship to sink all ships) and things... don't go exactly as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _[whispers]_ I know it's been like, a year, but I'm alive. Since I've been writing nothing _but_ Ladynoir lately (which I am pretty happy with and will probably shamelessly plug next chapter), the last two planned chapters should come easily. I may write more that has been suggested in the comments, but I can't promise anything, too many other things I've started and want to finish.  
>  ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> Oh, and reminder: In Evillustrator, when Ladybug asked Chat to protect Marinette, she said something like, "This is Marinette. Cute, isn't she?" To him.

Ladybug and Adrien had agreed to meet and clear things up between them, via Chat Noir who had suspiciously specific knowledge of his schedule. Granted, so did she, but that only made it harder to believe her partner wasn’t into him like she was.

Even with the press shifting focus on AdriNoir, they decided it was best that at least he go incognito. Which meant he showed up in sweats with the hood up and huge mirrored aviator sunglasses. He was stunning. It was usually clothing that said, _“It’s 3’o’clock and I threw these on or was already wearing them because I was at home feeling like garbage and now I’m going to a fast food place because they’re still open and I don’t care about making extremely poor dietary decisions,”_ or, _“I’m going to bomb a building and I don’t want to be recognized.”_

“H-Hey,” Ladybug waved weakly. God. Spots on or not, seeing him for the first time outside of duty made her weak.

Adrien blinked with a smile growing on his lips. Oh no, she was already embarrassing herself, and oh no, she was staring as his lips. Focus on his aviators which she kind of hated for hiding his eyes, though wow, he pulled them off really well, his bone structure- _no, focus_. He waved back just as awkwardly with a similar, “H-Hey.”

He was so nice.

Right after their awkward greeting, they heard a, “Yes, Hawk Moth.”

Oh hell, no. Not now. She rushed to the source, only to find that her the taller companion had outpaced her running towards the akuma victim already engulfed in violet.

Adrien punched him in the face.

The camera the akuma must have entered the fell to the ground. Ladybug pushed thoughts like, _“_ _God DAMN_ _,”_ into her mental timeout corner labelled Your Crush, Totally A Civilian, Just Punched An Akuma In The Face For You (Again, A Civilian) And That’s Extremely Attractive (It’s Incredibly Brave for A Civilian) But I Have A City To Save, Damn It (Including Adrien, Who Is A Civilian.)

She quickly stomped on the camera and purified the akuma. Adrien began to hold up a fist, but quickly dropped it with a small laugh, “The fistbump is probably reserved for Chat Noir, and not a civilian, like me. I am but a simple civilian. Not Chat Noir.”

The confused akuma victim was recovering with a groan, and stood up to thank Ladybug then turned to Adrien, eyes widening. He swiftly pulled out a camera to— oh no, this close, he had recognized him, he was a paparazzo—

Ladybug punched him in the face.

The man fell over. Adrien gaped. Ladybug internally screamed, she had just punched a perfectly normal civilian, like he was, out cold.

“Oh my gosh, I am _so_ sorry, I just thought you didn’t need any more trouble,” she moved her hands wildly, face flushed “I sort of just reacted.”

“No, don’t be sorry at all, my- hero. Haha, yeah, my hero, because I’m not at all familiar enough with you to call you nicknames,” he laughed, then his brows shot up, “I’m sorry! I really should have let you punch him first, ladies first and all?”

He had a bashful, adorable smile on his face, blushing. She quickly responded hand on her cheek, “That was really brave of you! You’re welcome to punch people for me any time!”

Adrien laughed nervously. “Thanks. Same goes for you. There’s a little cafe nearby we could speak in private? You said, I remember you saying!”

“Right! Since I patrol during day if I have free time, and I get tired and need some coffee, I found a place for me and Chat. It’s nice because they don’t even care that-”

“Ladybug! It’s your best friend Chloe~” Ladybug visibly tensed up with a grimace.

Chloe gasped. “Adrikins too, my two favourite people!”

Adrien furrowed his brows. “Oh no, how did she even recognize-”

Ladybug punched Chloe.

“Oh my gosh, I didn’t mean to- I just impulsively-” Ladybug covered her mouth.

“It- It happens! I’m just gonna... Make sure she’s okay,” Adrien looked around at the thankfully empty street. “I know some first aid.”

He was so sweet and talented. Ladybug sighed and nodded dreamily as he announced that it seemed like she just had a mild concussion. Ladybug carried her into a shop where the shopkeeper could call for medical attention and booked it. “Cafe’s this way!”

Passersby gave Ladybug and the young man in sweats a look. Was she jogging with people who were definitely civilians as some charity thing?

The cafe staff were unphased as Ladybug forcefully shouldered her way through the door, slid into a chair in the back, making the table wobble as she grazed it. Adrien sat in the opposite chair, still with that kind smile of his. She sighed and put her elbow on the table, resting her chin in her palm.

“The usual?” The barista drawled.

“Yup!” Both answered.

The barista squinted at Adrien, humming thoughtfully. Chin jutting up as greeting, he said, “You make that look good, Chat.”

“Huh?” Ladybug looked around. “Weird, I don’t see him here.”

“Must have confused us regulars! Had a long day!” Adrien laughed nervously.

“You come here too?”

“Of course, I- am a civilian! Who is recognizable! You know how cool they are about superheroes, so...”

“That makes perfect sense.”

“Haha, yeah, that’s. That’s the truth.” Adrien grinned wide.

“So... You and Chat...” Ladybug began slowly.

“Totally not a thing! Complete myth!” He said frantically. “I’m totally single, not romantically involved with anyone, including Chat Noir!”

She heaved a sigh of relief, as did he shortly after she did. Hesitantly, she began, “So, are you interested in-”

“Ladybug!” An enraged roar came from directly beside their table. “I wanted that akuma. I wanted power. You took that away from-”

Adrien quickly stood and punched him.

He flushed. “Oh sorry, I did it again, did you want to-”

“No, it’s fine! Really! I have no problem with you punching that guy.”

“Okay, cool,” he sat down. “Just got a little impulsive, I’m just so used to proooo- proactivity! Being protect- proactive. As a civilian. Not necessarily with you, in specific, either.”

The barista came to put their drinks down in front of them, stepping over the unconscious man. He sighed, and began to drag the body away. “I’ll take care of it.”

“Thanks!” Ladybug called over. Turning back to Adrien, she shrugged with her hands up and said, “Right, I was wondering if maybe you were interested in anyone?”

He took off his sunglasses, fiddling with them, looking down with a fierce blush. “Actually, yeah...”

“Oh,” Ladybug deflated. Still, he was a great guy, she wanted to make sure this mystery person wasn’t some gold digger or looking for a trophy boyfriend. “What are they like?”

“Well, she’s,” Adrien looked right at her with this strange, tender expression that made her melt, even knowing it was definitely for someone who was not her. He began with the same kind of sigh she used for him, “She’s the most amazing person. She’s brave, a leader, and just so kind, always putting others before herself. The most beautiful person, inside and out. She has the softest looking black hair. She wears them in pigtails, it’s adorable. The bluest eyes I’ve ever seen. I don’t know how, but they always seem to catch the light in just right way so they shine. Only thing is... We’re never really on the same wavelength when we talk.”

He sighs, looking down then back up at her with a sad smile and shrug. He’s blushing hard now. He must really like this girl who isn’t her. “It’s kind of a shame, but I don’t know what more I can do about it. I try my best.”

“Oh, Adrien...” Ladybug doesn’t know what to say. Who is she? Who can be so oblivious to this amazing guy? She goes over her words in her mind. Wait... He’s called her civilian self amazing plenty of times, she’s the class president, that counts as a leader, right? She wouldn’t word it as putting others before herself, but she really can’t say no, and his physical description... No way. Too good to be true. Wait, what he said about not getting each other when they talk? Marinette can never properly talk around him!

Ladybug wants to punch herself.

All this time, she had a chance?! No, she could be twisting his words, if she made assumptions and made a move he’d think she’s a total creep, she wouldn’t be able to stay in the same school- no, city- no, country- no, continent- as him. She’d have to move to Australia and hide in a kangaroo pouch for the rest of her life! She had to be sure.

“I actually know a girl that sounds a little like that... Do you happen to know Marinette?” Ladybug tries not to squeak out the last few words. She’s partially successful, and very proud of herself for it.

Adrien blinks at her. He looks to the side, jaw slack. Looking at her again, he says, almost robotically, “Marinette. She’s cute, isn’t she?”

Ladybug screams internally. If she were in a cartoon (which she’s not), her face would be entirely red and steam would be shooting out of her ears. This is it. This is her chance. Maybe she couldn’t ask him to the movies, but if _he_ asked, all she had to do was nod. She could nod.

She nodded rapidly.

“Wow. You look super enthusiastic.”

This was her _chance_. She just had to talk herself up. He’d see how even Ladybug, who he called his hero, could recognize how cool Marinette was! She put her hands on her cheeks. “Yes, yes! She’s won fashion contests, one by your father, even! So talented. Actually, we’re together all the time, and if you got to know her, I think you’d really like her too!”

Nailed it.

Adrien nodded. “Yeah... Yeah, you know, it makes sense you two would be together, now that I think about it. You have a lot of character traits in common. Plus, I remember she met Chat Noir, who’s really charming- I think as just a fan, obviously!”

“Obviously, yes! We’ve established that!” We’ve established you’re into Marinette!!!

“She didn’t really seem too into him. She thought I, a total civilian, not a superhero, was cooler,” he rubbed his neck. “It makes sense she’s into someone else. I’m happy for her.”

This was going _so_ well.

“She’s really amazing, even if we’re just friends, and definitely don’t think of each other romantically on top of that, at all. Either of us.”

Wait, what?

“So since I think you’re both great and all, I’m really glad you two make each other happy. You make a lovely couple.”

_NO._

“IT’S NOT LIKE THAT!”

Adrien jumped. “It’s not?”

“SORRY I YELL- yelled. It isn’t! It’s like you and Chat, a misunderstanding!”

How could this happen when she worded everything so perfectly?

“Honestly, as nice as I think you two would be together, I’m pretty relieved to hear that,” he sighed. Then a hand came down hard on Adrien’s shoulder.

It was a police officer. “There’s assault reports in the area, you-”

Ladybug punched him.

The two looked at each other. Then they ran as fast and as far as possible.

* * *

### New Power Couple? Ladybug Seen With Unknown Man, Multiple Reports of Assault

Marinette sighed. Nothing about this had gone like she wanted at all. At least the AdriNoir ship had sunk. Still, Alya had gotten so fed up with all the various rumours over the days that, though her belief in freedom of speech meant she usually only intervened in Ladyblog comments to remove hate speech, she had began to filter ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) into ಠ_ಠ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a while, so reminder that I'm happy to converse in the comments and hear suggestions and ideas!
> 
> Man, this is easily the most crack-ish chapter of the lot. I don't know, my dudes, I just- I thought: "I want to mirror the last chapter and have Ladynette confusion, but also how do I make this funny in a way tied to overprotectiveness? I know, have them punch a bunch of people when they even remotely think they'd bother the other!"


	7. just a joke, my ass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ladybug is just waiting out the time they promised to be at a fundraiser when an unpleasant fan comes up to her. Chat is not pleased.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be forewarned, there's some pretty gross innuendo (this boi a nasty boi), so much that I wondered if I was overdoing it? I actually got the pick-up lines mostly from forums with people saying they either use them already or want to, though. ಠ_ಠ Think I might have to give this one chapter a T rating.
> 
> But the comebacks are all original, _yeeee._ (dw nasty boi gets roasted)

Chat Noir took a deep breath of air, savoured the smell of flowers and grass and wind, then let it all out. “I just love meeting the adoring public, don’t you?”

“Nnngh,” Ladybug grunted and looked up from her phone to the throngs of people all around. They were stampeding the park. She and Chat had agreed to come to this community fundraiser well beforehand, but clearly the organizers hadn’t planned for this. The park was too small, and the crowd, “I don’t like big crowds.”

Chat stretched his arms out in front of them. “Look at this, though! The crowd loves us, and here you won’t even give them a chance.

He crossed his arms and bumped shoulders with her.

“I mean, look at you. You went so far as to keep your phone out when you’re transformed—and the whole make a cover with your friends and family excuse doesn’t fly with me. Mingle! Engage! _Feel_ the people out. You’re missing out on the- the _love_ _energy._ _”_

“The _love energy,”_ Ladybug said, looking up at him, smile pulling at a corner of her lips. “Chat, you’re like a kid at a candy shop at these things—Or, no, a kid in a park full of other kids, who think you’re the cool kid; and it’s your life mission to be the cool kid.”

“Nonsense, I just am cool, it comes naturally.”

“Whatever you need to tell yourself so you can sleep at night.”

Chat steepled his hands in front of his mouth and closed his eyes and inhaled deeply again.

Ladybug waited.

“Sadly,” he said, with a weighty sigh, “The thought of you keeps me up all night, and nothing can change that.”

She patted his arm. “Try a warm glass of milk, I hear cats love that.” He gave her an indignant frown. “Hey, speaking of things you love, here comes another fan.”

If he was sleep deprived, his anticipatory preening didn’t show it. Lucky for him, the boy approaching was also taking his time, with a very visible swagger.

Ladybug took a step forward and closed her eyes, just for a moment, to gather herself.

She reminded herself that she only had a few more minutes before they were scheduled to go. She suplexed akuma regularly. She could do this. Even if, assuming she was correct, and she hoped she wasn’t (but she usually was), she would soon be caught between _two_ overcompensating boys doing the weird man dance that overcompensating boys do in the presence of girls.

... She wasn’t sure she could do this.

“Ladybug, heyyy. Wow. TV does not do you justice, you are _eye candy,”_ the boy winked and pointed a finger gun at her, “You can call me Mr. Right. Heard you were looking for me.”

She was correct.

Unfortunately, he was not an akuma, and so she couldn’t indulge in the joy that would be suplexing him.

Ladybug gave Mr. Wrong a tight smile and said, “Hmm, no, not looking for anything here. You forgot to say hi to Chat Noir, you know, my partner?” She began to tilt her head towards said partner, but felt a whoosh of air pass her ear before she was done.

Chat crossed by her side to stand a little ahead of her. He took the boy’s hand in both of his and shook it forcefully, all grins, and said, “Yes, _her partner.”_

The man dance begins.

“Yeah, hi,” Mr. Wrong jerked his hand back and wiped it on his shirt. He turned to Ladybug again. “I want an interview with the lady,” she felt a soft tap on her thigh, “I’m supposed to do an essay on the finer things in life.”

Ladybug felt the tap again. She glanced down to see Chat’s tail swinging to and fro. She had to suppress a laugh. “Oh, no, we don’t have the time. We have to go soon.”

“Yeah,” Chat said.

“Come on,” Mr. Wrong said and shifted his weight to one side, addressing her only, “You can have as much of _my_ time as you want. It would be only fair of you to give me yours. Seriously, if I were a cat? I’d spend all nine lives with you.”

Chat’s tail began thrashing.

“Oh, really?” He twirled his baton out, extending it to staff length, and planted it in the ground in front of him with a soft crunch of earth. He gripped the top with both of his clawed hands then leaned in to Mr. Wrong. “I plan to spend all nine of my lives with My Lady. I am her ever faithful cat. You? Why, you’re only human. You’ve got just one life. I suggest you make better use of it. You know what they say, only play the games you can win, and you...

"You just don't strike me as much of a player," he said and winked.

The boy frowned at him and leaned in as well.

By now, Chat’s tail was whipping at Ladybug’s thigh. She held it against her leg with one hand (she didn't want it smacking her) and pulled out her phone with the other. She hid her smirk looking down at the screen.

“Actually, my parents always say to follow my dreams,” Mr. Wrong said in Chat’s face, “That means I’d follow Ladybug anywhere.”

“That’s nice,” Chat said. “That’s also called stalking.”

“ _Anyways,_ Ladybug,” the boy shifted his eyes to her. She didn’t notice. She was texting. “Essays actually aren’t my strong suit. There’s 20 letters, right? Ohh, wait, I forgot _U R A Q T._ Well, there’s still one more letter, but you can get the _D_ later.”

She was still texting.

“Funny,” Chat said with a staccato chuckle. “Look, I’d hate to _lett’er C_ me get _nast-T,_ I think _U_ better leave.”

Ladybug disguised a snort as a cough. So the angry puns begin.

Mr. Wrong ignored him. “If I flipped a coin, what are the chances I get head?”

“None,” Chat growled. “Any idiot would know it’s fifty-fifty, but amazingly, you break that rule! Congratulations. Not so _odd,_ really, that you have zero chance of _en-chancing_ anyone—you’re a zero yourself. Now, I’d never lay claws on a citizen, a hero’s got to follow the laws, of course. You really are making it warranted, though. I think the courts would find _probable_ cause.”

Mr. Wrong went on, “If you were a vegetable-”

“Ladybug would be a _cute-cumber_ ,” Chat cut in, “If _you_ were a vegetable, I’d pull the plug.”

Good lord. There was a next level: angry pick-up lines.

“I was talking to her,” the boy snapped. He leaned towards Ladybug. “I haven’t actually given you my name, but that’s alright, you can call me tonight.”

Ladybug looked up to face him, face blank. He winked. She said, “Yeah, I don’t have a phone.” She held her phone up to Chat. “Time’s up, we can go now.”

Chat Noir was fixated on glaring at Mr. Wrong.

“Chaton,” Ladybug said and flicked his bell.

He snapped out of it, blinked down at where his bell jingled, then blinked at her. “Pardon me? I didn’t hear that.”

“Time to go,” she tugged gently on his tail.

“Ah! Sounds good to me,” he said. Ladybug began walking, keeping hold, and turned to him to finally let a snicker loose. He gave her a little lopsided smile before he looked back over his shoulder. In a cheery sing-song, he called out to Mr. Wrong, _“Byeeee~”_

They strolled away with his tail in her hand between them. She twirled it idly, copying the way he twirled it sometimes as he hummed no song in particular, just some aimless tune.

"You know," Ladybug said, “It’s a little funny, but I like to think of myself as your CEO.”

“Hmm,” Chat quirked a brow at her and tilted his head, “Pretty sure you can’t call yourself a CEO with only one employee.”

“Maybe,” she said. “But you’re the only company I need.”

There was a beat of silence. Then a high, soft squealing sound escaped from Chat, squeezing past his fist where he held it up to his lips. He continued squeeing.

It died down eventually.

He choked out, “Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #blessed. I'm sure Chat's tail can't actually move on it's on, but it's my party I can do what I want to. Although, as far as I'm concerned, Mari/LB canonically has a thing for it. Just look at the recent episodes. This CEO ain't letting no-one else get shares of that tail ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 
> 
> I haven't been writing many things at length lately, but I have a tumblr tag for little bits of tomfoolery: [#fluff for your soul.](http://booabug.tumblr.com/tagged/fluff-for-your-soul) Despite the name, it's become more silliness than fluff... This chapter is crossposted (has that tag) but here's a [direct link.](http://booabug.tumblr.com/post/170230773783/just-friends-my-ass-ch7)
> 
> I will (probably) not take months for the next chapter, which will close up all the love square sides!


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